All aboard the Nope Rocket to Planet F-that
/The tarantula hawk is a spider wasp which hunts tarantulas, and if you don’t know what a spider wasp is just know the species are affectionately called “horse killers” in Brazil. The Tarantula hawk can grow up to 5cm in length and have bluish, redish bodies. Their sting is considered the second most painful sting in the world only surpassed by the bullet ant.
Nuke it from orbit
The female fuck-that hawk stings and paralyzes the tarantula, then drags it to hell where a single egg is laid on the spider’s abdomen. The spider hawk then seals the entrance to the underworld leaving the tarantula living, still paralyzed, waiting for its slow tortuous death. When the wasp larva hatches it creates a small hole in the spider’s abdomen, enters it and feeds like a starved, vicious hell hound, being very careful not to consume the spider’s organs so as to keep the spider alive for as long as possible. After several weeks, WEEKS where the wasp is slowly eating at the still living spider, the larva pupates and becomes an adult. When the wasp becomes an adult it emerges from the fiery depths of all things horrifying to live out the rest of its life among those that have souls. We, as humans, might not have to worry about these insects from our nightmares: they’re nectarivorous and sometimes when they eat fermented fruit they become so drunk flight becomes hilariously difficult.
Researchers say tarantula hawks are relatively docile (yeah f-ing right) and rarely sting without provocation. If they do sting though, it’s about 3 minutes of “… immediate, excruciating pain that simply shuts down one’s ability to do anything, except, perhaps, scream.”
Spongebob has it right:
